On-time, Late, On-time.

So I have this problem, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I tend to underestimate my capabilities. When I was younger I was placed in different classes because I was a little behind on reading and math. I blamed my mother because I link it to being one month premature (probably a stretch). Anyways, I had to work twice as hard as any other kid did. I had to work twice as hard to be organized and to focus on homework (this is still true). I would also take longer to take tests and even sometimes had to be placed in a quieter testing room. I also had to work twice as hard to get into AP classes and keep my grades. I truly never had a moment where I missed a chance that challenged me as a person.

However, despite overcoming these challenges, my self-doubt continues... and you're probably wondering why. I honestly can't explain it. I still force myself to work double as hard and expect the same results as someone who did half the work. Perhaps my learning disability outgrew me, but I never outgrew my learning disability. I don't really know anyone who has had a learning disability be so open about it. I'm not even open about it. Often times in high school most people would refer to us as "special education. I think it's mean because it really makes it seem as if people who have troubles or are disabled can't learn. I dislike when people use that term in such a derogatory way. Everyone was stunned that once I reached college and took College Algebra that I got an A. Heck, I was even stunned and I thought at that point I overcame my learning disability, but truth is, it's still a part of me.

I still underestimate myself while everyone around me looks at me as if I'm crazy. Today is such a great example of this, if it doesn't make sense. For the first time in my career as a student, I mixed up the due date of an assignment. Being honest, this was not tolerated at home especially with my mother so missing a deadline to me was beyond embarrassing. Once I realized during the class period, I spent the full hour chewing my nails trying to find a way to word my mistake to my professor. How would I tell my mom? I told her I was staying at my apartment to focus on work and I messed up a deadline? A deadline which I had written clearly in my color coated agenda. A deadline which should've been ingrained in my head since the first day of class during syllabus week.

I was going to wait for all the students to file out of the classroom because of my embarrassment. I honestly forgot how human it is to forget a deadline. I also never expect a teacher or professor to give me any leeway so I was already dead set on the thought of receiving a 0 despite the fact I had an excellent rapport with this professor in the first place. Anyways, I talked to her and told her what happened and she literally hugged me because of the look on my face. She knew how nervous I was.

I think everyone carries insecurities and I just don't believe we should allow them to limit us as who we are. We also shouldn't allow insecurities to label us as people. God did make us in his image.

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7